i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Farmville is her only friend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize