Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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