And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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