In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
