therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
