I can feel you judging me through the phone.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
