I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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