Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
