I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
