Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
