a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
