Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
