Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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