I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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