doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
