Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
