Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
