Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
