Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
