She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
