What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
