im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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