Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
