I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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