That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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