I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize