covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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