I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
