I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
