I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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