wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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