so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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