maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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