Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
