he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
