The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
