He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
