I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
