the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
