definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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