You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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