Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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