Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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