Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
