While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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