and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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