but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
