And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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