you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
