If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
