i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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