we should wear snuggies to the strip club
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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