guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
