sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Damn victory sex feels great
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
