Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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