I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
