Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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