is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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