He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
