my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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