Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
