Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
