I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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